Hello Butter

In the quiet of the night as I end the day of Claire’s 18th birthday I can’t stop myself from remembering. 

Remembering, her first breath. 

Remembering, the doctors saying she wouldn’t take a breath and then she did.

Remembering, seeing her for the first time, holding her and wondering what her life would be like.

Remembering, almost canceling the surgery to place the shunt and close the hole in her back because I just wanted to hold her and never let her go. 

Remembering, all the love and support from family and friends, truly depending on others to help us through the uncertainty. 

Remembering, wondering if she would ever know us, if she would ever be able to call us Mom & Dad.

Remembering, how I insisted on finding peace at every turn in a medical world that tried to steal it every chance they could.

Remembering, how I was so optimistic so hopeful and so full of faith.

Remembering, how full my heart was and counted every moment every second she lived as a miracle. 

Memories are what shape  us and mold us into  who we are. Our journey with Claire has been sometimes so hard but in the best way. 

It has me remembering what life truly is about. It’s  about the journey, the experience you can’t even find words to describe because it has to be felt and just witnessed. 

So tonight I’ve been remembering that miracles do happen. 

Life is so full of twists and turns, ups and downs, sorrow and pain, love & joy that sometimes you can’t find the words but if we just remember and keep those indescribable moments in our hearts we can keep remembering that life is full of miracles and our journey with Claire is just that, an incredible indescribable miracle.